Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
