I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
