i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
