everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize