the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Your cock deserves a montage
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
