he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
