theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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