the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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