Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
