I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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