So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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