the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize