hotel room ftw
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
