I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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