That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize