clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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