It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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