everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
