Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
