Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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