Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
