after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
