I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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