i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
