I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
