if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize