she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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