Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Panties = found
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize