You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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