Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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