Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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