my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
