Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So squirting runs in the family.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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