You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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