I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
