Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
