He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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