found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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