Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
His nipple licking is glorious
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