don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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