Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
