i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
