Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
