Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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