I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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