perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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