I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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