so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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