Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
