if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
