so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize