I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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