I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
