grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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