So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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