we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize