one two three fourrrrnication!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
