I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
