It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
