I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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