just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
