I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
