Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
