shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
