Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
