I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize