I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
