you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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