I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
