Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
