You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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