I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
