Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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