I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
