my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
