i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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