I puked a lego.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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