Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
