Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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