You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
