I just saw a hot homeless man
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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