I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
