margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
