Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
