That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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