i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
