Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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