Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
