hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
