I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
