The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
