I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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