True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
FUCK WHALES
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
