Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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