Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
